...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
