I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
