Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
