Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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