Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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