I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
