so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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