drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
