I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've blown a few things in my day
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
