I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
