It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
