he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
