it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
