I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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