woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
