I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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