New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
