I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
