She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You are the jesus of drinking
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize