P.S. I can't hear my feet
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
