Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
