Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize