no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
