So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
