There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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