the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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