I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize