i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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