if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
