P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
