he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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