How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
should my penis look like a turkey
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
