Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
