dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
