nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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