the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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