well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
3 2 1 whiskey
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
