I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
