The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
