Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
