Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
