dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
