$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
