I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
