i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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