I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
