if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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