paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
