I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you had me at cake vodka
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
