yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
