Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
it's like heaven, but drunker
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
