Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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