Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
