how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize