wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
