this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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