smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
