just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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