I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
