Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
