so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize