so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
