ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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