SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize