Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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