I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
