Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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