Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
