just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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