i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
