I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
