I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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