Nicole vs. Life
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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