Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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