6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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