I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize