i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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