I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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