My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
