Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
