he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im holly from the hills drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
