but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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