i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
