I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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