Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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