but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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