he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
