tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
