Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
