You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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