let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
