out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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