My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
