I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
